Broken Knees and Broken Hearts

MySpace

2006-05-13T23:21:00.000-06:00

sorry if it seems like I haven't been posting much on here. I've joined myspace.com and I freakin' addicted to it. You should check it out. My url is http://www.myspace.com/eandcadventures. Its great fun.

Stupid Girl

2006-04-25T18:43:00.000-06:00

I hate being a stupid girl and I feel like I've been one so much the last couple of days. i hate being alone and now that I've figured out why, I find myself falling into the same pattern over and over again. I woke up at 6 this morning to clean the house I was house sitting before I had to get to school at 850. When I get there I find out class is canceled and that I just paid 375 to park for 10 minutes. Instead I decided to go to the computer lab with James, because I like to mack on him, and hung out there for awhile. I left there dropped off all my shit at my apartment, went and picked up Eric from school because I had offered him a ride home. Then on my way to work I got pulled over. Apparently I cut some guy off while turning left and the damn cop had nothing better to do at 1145 on a tuesday morning. I think I wet my pants when I saw his lights go on, but the good news is I didn't pull the stupid girl there and I didn't cry. He let me go with a warning put gave me a 0point 54 dollar ticket for a cracked windshield.
But here's when the whole stupid girl thing kicks in. For the last couple of days I've been so confused and so upset. I've become jealous of the girls that my best friend takes out on dates. I've never seen him as more than a friend in the last couple years I've known him and I just don't get why this is happening now. I dont know if Im upset because I'm not the one on the date or if it is the fact that if any of them become a girlfriend I probably won't see him for the duration that they are together. Ever girl that he dates tends to hate me and then its Bye Bye for awhile.
So I've been upset about this all day along with not being able to go to Matt's show because I'm not 21 and then being upset I called Eric, who has no sympathy for any one. I just want someone with shoulder I can cry on thats not my own. I just want someone to fix everything for me or at least tell me that it will all be better. I want to escape from this for just one day so I can seem sane for even the shortest duration of time.

Relationship theory

2006-04-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

I read the most amazing book over my spring break. It has totally changed my way of looking at relationships. The book is called "He's just not that into you" and it talks about how as a girl if a guy isn't calling you or making time out of his week to spend with you, he's just not that into you. I feel like I've spent most of my "dating career" especially in highschool trying to get guys to like me, and after reading this book I feel like it just has been a waste of my time. As a girl I should be able to have a guy who tries to sweep me off my feet and is supportive of me. So for now, I've decided that I'm just me. I'm done waiting around for guys and making up excuses for why they aren't calling or giving me any kind of attention. If he's into me, he's into me and then he'll call and make time to spend time with me.

Birthday

2006-03-14T00:32:00.000-07:00

Its my birthday on Thursday the 16th and I'm not even excited for it. Is that normal?

Thank You

2006-02-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

After my revelation of the day, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to different people in my life. This thank you goes out to all the people in my life who have ever torn me down. If any of you could see me now for who I truly am, I would try to explain to you that you helped me in my transformation to get here. For a part of my life, I had a tendency to let people manipulate and change me into what they wanted me to be. And now because of that I have been able to stand up to people like that and tell them that what I am is what they get. Life is about living it and making the best out of it that you can. Its about standing up for your rights, taking responsibility for your self and your actions. People aren't put into this world to have society help them self destruct, but rather to fight against it and build a strong sense of character to get out of it what you want.

This thank you also goes out to those people out there that don't take RAPE as seriously of an issue as they should. It happens and the victims that have been able to pull through it aren't really victims they are SURVIVORS. They are able to stand up for themselves and express to people that they just need support and someone to share their story with. They don't sit around in tears waiting for someone to come save them from themselves. As SURVIVORS they've taking responsibility for their actions and make the most out of life that they can. And all because of people that don't believe that rape is an issue, they use your discouragement to make themselves stronger and to be able to prove to themselves and society that they are not weaklings waiting around for their Prince Charming to save them.

URRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!

2006-02-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

It seems like no matter what I try to do in my life there is always one person that I love so much and hate so much at the same time. Whenever I don't talk to them, I get upset and start to miss them and then as soon as I start to talk them again everything goes to shit. I made a new friend last semester at school an this is how our relationship has been since the beggining. I love him and I hate him. I stopped talking to him a couple of weeks ago because nobody was happy about anything. All of my friends would complain about me hanging out with him, and when i did hang out with him, he would complain about them. I couldn't handle it anymore. Plus the whole cell phone thing. It would get so pissy at me for texting or being on my phone and then he would go to the same thing and it would be ok. After I got off of work tonight Iwent over to his apartment to talk to him about everything and the reason why I had stopped talking to him. It got us no where. He talked about the same old shit about how we are so different and how he finds it so weird that we get a long so well. finally after a while we decide that we are going to go to some of his friends' house to eat dinner. Because his friends are ok in this situation its just mine that aren't. While Sarah is sitting there cooking dinner Keith decides to roll a joint and smoke it in front of his two year old daughter, I say something about that and the response I got from both Keith and Eric is "that's because your a christian." What the hell is that supppose to mean. I take offense to that, and its not even because I am a christian. I wouldn't even consider myself a christian at the moment, when i moved out on my own I left that at the door. After going to church like I was told to breath I decided that I need a break from it. And even if I was still a christian and continues on with my faith, I would still take offense to that. but pretty much to sum up the rest, I told them i needed to get home to finish homework and we left. I'm done talking to Eric now. I saw a lot of things in him that I needed to see again to realize why I stopped talking to him. when we were at Keith and Sarah's I left my phone in the car in fear that Eric would get pissed off about me text messaging anyone. I haven't felt fear like that since Case and I broke up and why I would let myself feel that fear again by my own choice is beyond me.

2006-01-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

So you know how I said I was goint to blog more often, well that hasn't been happening too well latley. Winter break was good, but now that its over it went way to fast. School started a week and I'm already stressed. Hopefully it'll get better. I can't wait till spring break, my roommate and I are going to Arizona and its going to be a fabulous week in the sun. Hopefully it'll be sunny. Right now there's a car alarm going off in the street and its highly annoying. but I think it just stopped, thank god. I really need to go clean the bathroom but I don't want too. Well anyways I'm going to go, but here's a funny picture that I shall leave you with. Ok nevermind it doesn't want to work with me. Maybe next timel

Welcome home

2005-12-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

So its been about a month since I moved, and its great being on my own. I feel like I'm so close to everything downtown, I love it. If I had a picture of it I would show you but I don't. Plus its a mess right now because finals are coming up and studying and homework has taken priority of cleaning. I can't believe this semester is all ready over. God, where the hell did the time go. I felt like I blinked and it was over. No complaints though. I get to start taking Jewelry classes next semester which really excites me. finally. It feels like I haven't done anything jewelry wise in so long. I'm gonna try to start posting more often, but we'll shall see what happens. Well gotta run.

Can You Believe it!

2005-10-28T15:32:00.000-06:00

I move out in a week! I'm so excited. My friend Michelle and I signed the lease on this apartment downtown a few weeks ago and we move in next friday. i haven't even started packing yet. I feel like time flies by so fast. Eventhough it is October and Im not teaching dance so much anymore, I still don't have time. I dont know where it goes. Hopefully I'll get time over this weekend even with all the Halloween fun like working.

FYI

2005-09-19T14:53:00.000-06:00

For those of you who don't know, especially JR, I've started to go to school at Metro State College of Denver or as we roadrunners like to call it MSCD or just Metro. I love it. I don't have to deal with an obnoxious roommate. And for those who really enjoyed my roommate issue posts, I'm sorry, but I think I'm done with them. I'm still going as an art major with a concentration in jewelry. But once I'm done there with my bachelors, I'm most likely moving out to Cali. There's a really good school out in Carlsbad, CA that has classes in everything I need to know in order to run my own successful business as a jeweler. It'll be great. But for right now I'm at home saving up my money in order to pay for school out there and living expenses without swimming in debts. I'm excited for all of it. I think it will be a great experience.

Is it October Yet?

2005-09-06T18:32:00.000-06:00

I will be so happy when October is finally here. My body isn't made to go to school full time and then teach 8 hours of dance during the week. In October, the owner of the studio comes back from maternity leave and I drop down to 3 hours a week. It'll be great. But for the mean time I'm just constantly tired. The latest I went to bed this weekend was 11:00. But most of the nights were like 9:30. I felt kind of like a dork. Sometimes it seems like people expect you to stay up late and be a party animal cuz you're young and in school. Stay up late? What's that? If you put in a movie after 9 I guarantee you that I will fall asleep like 30 min into it. But as for school, its going great. Its the right place for me to be. My biggest class is 25 and it just allows everyone to open up more and make discussion. I love it. Hopefully I'll finish soon and then its of to Cali.

I NEED A NAP

2005-08-31T14:26:00.000-06:00

Wow, this semester is quite the change from last year. I actually have shi-at to do besides nothing. I go to class 5 days a week and then teach most nights at the dance studio and then on the weekends I work at the chocolate store. So much for free time huh? But I enjoy bein busy. It makes me get stuff done. I do still have some free time and its great.

2005-08-08T01:22:00.000-06:00

Gosh, It's been really long since I've sat down at my computer and done something with this thing. The summer's been crazy. I feel like I haven't gotten to relax, always working. I went to Ohio for a week for my cousin's wedding and my Bumpa's 80th birthday. It was fun, even though my cousins aren't my favorite people in the world. But it was great to get away. Right before we left I got food poisoning from Olive Garden. That wasn't fun. The only thing I could keep down was water. I hope I never have to experience that again. School starts in like 2 weeks. That's nuts. Where did the summer go? But I need to go to bed. I've just spent the evening line dancing and the Grizzly Rose and I'm exhausted. Good night Moon.

Emptying my Brain!

2005-06-16T20:18:00.000-06:00

Life is a very funny thing. Sometimes it doesn't make sense as to why you have to tell people the same damn thing over and over again. But having the ability to tell them the same thing shows that you are strong. I don't understand how it seems like some people never change. Especially since I feel so different. Wouldn't you think that over a course of 2 years, especially with big events like graduation and joining the military that you would change some? Maybe I'll just never get it. I feel like so much over the past two years of my life has shaped and twisted me so much. Maybe people don't like how uncomfortable change makes them. Maybe they decide that its safest to stay who they are instead of changing into who they are meant to be. Maybe I'm just more mature than some people are and that's why its hard for them to see how far I've come from where I've been. But in the end it doesn't really matter what other people think. Its all about if you like who you are and if you are able to love yourself.

FISHES!

2005-06-06T10:46:00.000-06:00

This is what my new fishs look like. They are sunburst platies. I named them stephen, steven and stefen. I got them after my second beta fish died, the first one commited suicide. He jumped out of the bowl. But after the second one died, I got new fish and then I also got around to cleaing my room. It finally feels like my room again. Which is great.

Strawberry Sundaes!

2005-05-25T11:51:00.000-06:00

When my alarm went off this morning I was very dissapointed. I was having the best dream ever. I was at work, (which is the only sucky part of the dream) but my friend Taylor came in and he started making me strawberry sundaes. I woke up and tried to fall back alseep to finish the dream but that didnt happen. Its very rare that I ever have semi-normal dreams. They always seem really random and strange.

One of those weeks!

2005-05-25T11:43:00.000-06:00

It's only Wednesday! ugh! I cant wait for this week to be over its incredibly long and every time I try to do something nothing can go right. Every time I get in the car and drive somewhere it honestly feels like the dumbest people are on the road. I want to send everybody back to driving school. I had this guy ride my butt through a school zone and he kept giving me nasty looks in my review mirror. There's no way I'm going to speed through a school zone. I don't have money for that ticket. But the most aggravating thing of all is these stupid T-shirts that I'm making. 20 of them to be exact and they have to be done by Sunday. I started to make them on Monday but after I printed 11 1/2 sheets of iron ons I realized that I had forgotten to flip the image. So I flipped it and went to office depot to by more iron on sheets and the printer wouldn't print. But then yesterday I got them all to print but then when I went to go iron one on I burnt the t-shirt because the iron was so hot. Will somebody let me know when this week is over?????????

I'm Finished!

2005-05-14T09:37:00.000-06:00

So I was actually home on Wednesday, but I've taken the last couple days just to relax and not do anything. And the weird thing is that I was actually kinda sad to leave the dorms. On Tuesday night, I was taking down all the pictures on my walls, and it hit me that this was really happening. The end of the semester was really here. But its great to be home. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm home for good. It still just feels like a weekend. My room is a disaster. Its become my bed surrounded by piles of all my crap. I'm slowly working on putting it away. And now I'm just waiting for the nice weather to start so I can enjoy some time outside.

More things that make me happy!

2005-05-05T15:32:00.000-06:00

My mom sent me a bunch of tulips today. Now I dont have to steal them off campus.

6 days!

2005-05-03T17:58:00.000-06:00

Only 6 days left of this place. I'll finally be able to sleep when I want to with the door closed and whithout people waking me up because they are talking right out side my dorm room at 12:30pm. It pisses me off.

Countdown!

2005-05-01T22:49:00.000-06:00

So eventhough the count down till the end of the semester has been going on since the semester started, this is the official start. 5 days of classes and then 3 days of finals. I can't believe I'm so close to being done. This is fantastic. It makes me so happy to think that I will finally be home. After my last final I'll finally be able to go home and not have to go back to CSU. I can't wait. Its going to be great. I'll finally be able to get rid of a majority of this stress that I've had for the last 4 months or so. This is another thing that makes me happy.

Roommate Issue #6

2005-04-28T19:07:00.000-06:00

Honestly, who opens the window when its 30 degrees outside and snowing? If you do please let me know.

Things that make me Happy!

2005-04-27T20:51:00.000-06:00

walks in the rain
long, hot, steamy showers
tulips
lilac bushes
warm, comfy PJ's

Roommate Issue #5

2005-04-25T19:01:00.000-06:00

She's does this thing where she sets crap that isn't mine on my bed. I got back from dinner today and there's a class catalog and some t-shirt that used to be her dad's sitting on my bed. I threw it on the floor and asked her why shit always ends up on my bed. She told me not to yell at her and blah blah blah. Anyways it just made me really peturbed and I'm so ready to be done with this. Can I strangle her yet? I guess I can wait 12 more days if the answer's no. ARGH!

Happy April 25th!

2005-04-25T14:35:00.000-06:00

According to Cheryl Fraser from Miss Congeniality today is the perfect date. Its not too hot and its not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

I love Bono!!

2005-04-21T20:19:00.000-06:00

I went to the U2 concert last night, and it was freaking amazing. Bono and his band has an amazing message to share with the world. Last night during one of their songs, he started singing about "Johnny", a soldier, and how now one knows where he's gone and when he'll be back "to Colorado". My eyes filled with tears as the whole stadium cheered because Bono said Colorado. But how many of them got the double meaning of that. I know Bono is against this war and that he thinks we shouldn't be sending out soldiers over to fight in Iraq. And I agree with him. As much as I support my friends that are serving in the military and are overseas I still have a hard time believing that this war is just. Does anyone really know what its like to know that the chances that someone they care about has just put their life on the line for something that doesn't pertain to them in the long, might not be coming back? Its hard. Heart wrenching, and stomach twisting. I just hope that the american people can wake up some day and actually smell the coffee. As great of a country we may seem, does anybody ever really thing about the consequences that all of our actions may cause someday?

Roommate Issue #4

2005-04-15T12:22:00.000-06:00

Last night, or should I say early this morning, I was woken up to the Troy (told you he'd come back up later) coming into my room to sleep with my roommate in her bed. I went to an 8:00 am class today. I was pissed. And then at 5ish I was woken up to him snoring. And this isn't any ordinary snoring. You have to understand that this kid is abnoramally sized. He's a freakin' huge hawaiin. I don't even know what to do with him. But just think about the kinds of snores that would come for a kid that big. He wears a size 16 shoe. Thats massive.

The Russians are coming!!!

2005-04-14T19:04:00.000-06:00

So I was riding my bike to work today and I almost got hit by a car. I went to go cross the street and I looked behind me like 12 times to make sure it was ok. I swear on my life there was nobody coming. But then when I went to go cross the street, this red car comes out of no where and almost hits me while they're honking their horn. It was crazy.
Then on my way home, I totally forgot that there was this huge event going on at the Moby stadium by my dorm and the roads were blocked off. Just so happens that Mikhail Gorbachev is giving a speech. This elderly couple was pulled over to the side of the road in their car and asked me as I was riding by if this was the building where it was. I almost fell off in the process of stopping and starting again. From there on I just decided to walk my bike the rest of the way. It was only a block. But damn Russians. J/K

LLAMA!!

2005-04-13T14:16:00.000-06:00

So amongst all the complaining and the posts about my depressing life here's some humor. It'll knock you on your a butt. Its hillarious. Especially if you like llama

Roommate Issue #3

2005-04-08T16:35:00.000-06:00

She always has to listen to her music while I'm listening to mine. Her speakers are like 10 times louder than mine so I'm going to end up blowing them in order to hear my music. If I liked what she listened to it really wouldn't be a problem. But that is the problem, I hate rap and ever since she started dating Troy (more about him later) she listens to rap constantly. I hate rap. URGH!

Roommate Issue #2

2005-04-08T14:38:00.000-06:00

She snores!! I woke up this morning thinking that my phone was vibrating on the desk. But no, it was her snoring. Its absolutely ridiculous.

Can I Go Home YET???????

2005-04-08T14:23:00.000-06:00

So I got home from work last night I and I wrote this long post about how nice the weather was and it dissapered. Damn computeres.
Well so the weather is really nice if you didn't pick up on that. And it really makes me not want to go to class and just go to the park and read all day. But whatever I can't. I love this weather, i was finally able to ride my bike to work today with out it being freezing cold and dark. Two things that I hate the most. It was so nice to be able to come back to my dorm and not have to put my hands in the microwave to warm them up. (LOL nevermind, that's an inside joke.) On Wednesday, I went bouldering. It was ironic considering how girlie I can be at moments. It was quite fun. But i fell and I have the smallest bruise on my shin that causes the most amount of physical pain I have ever experienced. Lame.
Right now I just want to go home. I'm so over being up here. But after this weekend I only have 23 days where I have to go to classes and that's including final week. I can't wait until I can be home for good though instead of only getting to be home for like 2 days. That's starting to get really old. It just seems like everything is going wrong, and it would be a lot easier if I was more stable and in an environment that I want to be in.

I Hate the Wind

2005-04-05T14:44:00.000-06:00

If there was a was a way to kill the wind I would do it. There is nothing more annoying then waking up in the morning to the little crack in your window whistling because the wind is blowing 35 MPH. Or the fact that when you are walking back to your dorm from class you can barely breath because the wind is blowing right up your nasal passages and you feel like you are going to suffocate.

Roommate Issue #1

2005-04-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

Ever since the semester started I have not been able to stand my roommate. She just annoys the crap out of me. I complain about her almost on a day to day basis to almost everybody so I decided that I will complain here once and then whoever happens to read it, can hear my complaint.

So every Tuesday and Thursday I get done with class around 2 and then she goes to class from 2-3:30. I always look forward to that little chuck of time that I can actually have to myself. Today she didn't go to class and its just irriatating cuz I was really looking forward to spending some time with just me.

So Random and hilarious

2005-04-04T14:24:00.000-06:00

I know that Easter is over. But I'm sure there are still many of us out there who are enjoying our chocolate Easter bunnies. So while you enjoy your cute little bunny have a little laugh as well.

"USE YOUR VOICE!"

2005-03-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

Today I'm participating in a campus wide even at CSU called Silent Solidary. I have pledge for this day to remain silent in order to give a symbolic voice to those who are often oppressed. We get to choose a group of people that we want to provide a "voice" for. I choose rape survivors. As most of you know, I'm one myself and I have experienced how hard it is to get some people to listen to my experience and my story. Its kind of ironic that I'm choosing to use silence as a way to share my story. But hopefully it makes a difference.

Ok Ok

2005-03-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

This very first post is dedicated to JR. After long hours and numerous times of him giving me crap for not having a blog and how should I get one because all the cool kids are doing it, I finally decided that I would. Plus since I never have anything to do in my dorm room (I lead a very boring and pathetic life) I decided it would give me something to do on a daily basis. Yeah something else to fill in the void of inbetween classes and going to bed.